Widening Horizons

Though I am often disgruntled about what is disallowed at the college, I was stunned this week by what was actually allowed. Ten male students from from our brother college were allowed to come to the auditorium on the women's campus and perform a charity concert. When it was first announced, I assumed it would be something traditional or somber. But as the event neared, the tickets sold out, and my students all informed me rather coyly that they would not be coming to my noon class on Thursday. I was then asked 'kindly', by management, to please attend the event as a chaperone, where a raucous event ensued. The music was booming, the boys were jamming out covers of Arabic pop tunes and even some original music. The girls were dancing in their seats, filming with their blackberries, screaming their applause, and despite being told constantly to 'SSSIT' by the various deans and department heads wandering the aisles, they had an awesome hour and a half of normal college debauchery.

Though it might sound completely normal to you, it is not normal in a place where the culture prohibits dancing, live music (except the singing of the Koran) and mixing of the sexes. Knowing all of this, the institution where I work continues to be a strange college-aged environment. The students at the college are day students, and their exit from the college each day is restricted by their 'out' passes. So if a student with a 2pm out-pass approaches the security gate at say, 1:45, she will be directly turned back into college grounds by an Indian security guard. Families who send their girls to our college, (women in most countries but still 'girls' in this one) are comforted by our closed-campus environment. Guardians of our students have full access to their student records, and they even get to sign off on permissions for field trips. Crazy you might think, since most 20 year old women in the US or Europe, Australia and China, and Japan too, enjoy full-blown adult status. In these countries, 20 year old women can get drivers licenses, enroll in college, visit their friends, and more or less come and go as they please, on their own.

But this is a newly opened culture, a culture where many women over 60 did not attend anything more than the mosque school. Advancements are on the horizon, but we, and they, must be patient, lest all of the rich culture that goes along with the restrictive tradition be washed away with modernization. But such patience does not come easy to this modern American faculty member, and so often still I am struck silent by a student who is not ashamed to say that her husband won't let her get a driving license, or her brother disallows her to attend musical events at the college. I should be grateful for the honesty I suppose, but I can't help but be shocked by the unabashed 'OK-ed-ness' with the day-to-day restrictions placed on them by the patriarchal family figures. Not stirring the pot does not come easily for me, but pot-stirrers in this culture do not last long in their jobs, and cultural craziness aside, I more or less like my job. So my tongue remains tied (most of the time), and I am grateful for the growing number of students from the more open families, who can comfortably attend live music at the college, and talk about their wishes openly to visit my country, or even get a job and a license to drive.

Full Cover or Full Disclosure?

You eventually start to feel as if you you more or less 'get the culture', but it takes time.

This was explained to me many months ago, after a frazzling day of sand clouds, traffic jams, and demanding privileged students. As time goes by, some things do indeed become clearer. Muslim modesty, for example, by way of covering your hair, is a great comfort to many of our students, who say that fretting over bed-head would surely make them late for college. And so when the female-only occasions arise, such as wedding parties, the doing of the hair and the choosing of the gown becomes a monumental event deserving of a whole week's planning and preparation. I was lucky enough to experience a local wedding, first hand, when my colleague was invited to one 'with guests'.

Here is what I knew to expect:

• The reception is a female-only event.
• Food will be extravagent and come in huge amounts.
• The guest list will be in the hundreds, if not thousands.
• Alcohol is not permitted.
• Gowns (fancy and in some cases very revealing) will be worn underneath the traditional black abayas.

But here is what I learned in person, at the actual event:

• Weddings are where you'll find the greatest collection and quantity of the world's gold.
• There will be loud, booming Arabic music.
• All wait-staff will be female.
• There will be no cameras.
• Dancing, all females of course, is encouraged.
• Dancing will be mostly of the belly-wiggling and hair-swinging variety.
• Dancing is done between the tables and on a cat-walk type of stage, and in a manner that would seem to most westerners as if you have a genuine romantic interest in the people around you, and mind you, all of the people around you are women.
• There might be an MC, in our case, a gorgeous Egyptian woman, to encourage above-mentioned dancing and hooting and hollaring.
• Large whole lamb bones are ceremoniously served up on top of heaps of gorgeous aromatic rice.
• The finest most delicious selection of hot beverages will be continously offered, including Arabic coffee, sweetened Turkish mint tea, Indian milk tea and green tea.
• Arabic appetizers are the best food feature of the evening, such as hummous, olives, dates, warm Arabic breads, eggplant and pomegranate salads with warm figs.
• The bride and groom only appear late into the evening.
• When the groom does arrive, the women wearing gorgeous evening gowns and letting down their hair, will hurriedly cover back up, out of cultural tradition and respect for the new bride and groom.
• Some women will remain as covered as they do on the street.
• Others will flaunt their typically voluptuous figures.
• Perfume servers will come round with Disney-like giant perfume bottles to help you freshen up.
• Strong Arabic incense will welcome you to the venue and continue to burn throughout the night.
• And foreigners will be warmly welcomed and kissed by the mothers of the bride and groom.

How honoured we were to be invited, and part of the 500-plus guest list! If any of you ever get the chance to attend an Arabic wedding, here is my advice: practice your belly dancing, starve yourself the day before, and see if you can borrow some gold.